I think I may have decided

11:12 p.m.=|||=2003-09-03

Wednesday night.. PAYDAY TOMORROW!! Whoo Hooo and I need it. Getting to be that expensive time of year.

Just signed E up for her Ballet lessons - $350 for the year� but at least this school accepts 10 post-dated cheques, so that is not as bad. I feel guilty about moving schools, as I liked the school she was at, but this one is cheaper, the schedule fits what we want better, and best of all is just down the end of my street, not in the next town 20 minutes drive away!

Now I need to take her out and get her ballet slippers, a body suit and tights. Then I have to learn how to put her hair in a Ballet Bun, and gel/spray it back, as that is regulation at this school.

I bought some more fish for the tank I�m restocking � I had neglected it, and didn�t like the fish I had, so was basically waiting for them to die. The first stage of restocking went well � the algae eaters. Today I got another $40 worth, including 4 nice colorful neon tetras � the first of which is now dead. Guess something in the tank didn�t agree with him. Of course, I now cannot find any of the other 3.. Have to keep my eyes open. That is the thing about tropical fish � It really is a continuous replacement hobby! At least until the tank is stable, and all the fish are used to each other. I need more fish � it looks very empty, but I�m doing this slowly.

Cold is feeling better � brandy must help so I�m having some more tonight. Tonight�s musical accompaniment is Metallica. Guess the girls upstairs are heavy sleepers!

Ex started to annoy me today � just in little ways, and I know I�m sick and a bit irritable.. but I really don�t see a future for us. When she is around, she tends to dominate things � I got home today just as she was off to cute daycare lady�s house, so I went along as I had not seen her for about 3 weeks (daycare lady). Well, when we were there, all ex did was natter, and I could not really say anything. But tomorrow I get to drop the girls off in the morning. I really want to get their regular routine down again, even if it does cost me a little extra $$$ - I have budgeted for it.

Other things around the house were irritating me � she read the paper and put it straight in the recycling � I did not get a chance to read it. She had also put a free magazine I got in the Beer store in there, again I had not read it. But then she would not like it, as it is aimed at guys. She does not like MOJO radio (Talk radio for guys) thinks the topics are crap.. What�s wrong with a phone in about schoolgirl uniforms? Talk radio for GUYS not EX�s lol..

And as I have said before, I don�t find her attractive. Yes, she is female, and has some of the nicer female qualities, but that does not make the whole package. So I�m basically thinking, the sooner that she is out of here the better. Yes, I�m prepared to help her, but not for long�

I was getting worried, as originally it was a �couple of weeks� � then she decided to go see her mum, so that was 2 weeks until she left, then 2 weeks away, then having to find a job when she came back � so all in all it would end up as a couple of months. Not what I was planning on.

Tonight, she tried to book her ticket, On a UK website, so she got to the end then it would not accept her payment, as it was not a UK credit card. None of the Canadian sites are that cheap, so she is now not going, as she cannot afford it. Problem is, she left it too late to book � she is now within 2 weeks, so the prices are up 30-40%.

All in all this is good, as she can now concentrate on getting a job, and once she has that, she can get an apartment sorted out. Then she can sort her life out, and leave me in peace.

I feel so bad saying this, but that is what I want. I don�t want her around here too long � she just does not fit in with the way I do things any more. Add to that I came down today and she was sitting on the phone to BF�hmm in my house on my phone. Don�t think I�ll like that for too long.

In some ways this all worries me � I�m worried about if I ever meet anyone new, will I want anyone to move in? Or am I just happier just me, when I can run things my way? I suppose I�ll find out when the time comes. Until then, just day by day.

OK that�s all

Someone please come and rescue me��..

Till later,

Jump