Jealousy

12:44 p.m.=|||=2003-01-13

I've been struggling with how to write this for several days now...I really hope no-one gets upset, but this is MY Diary..and I know the feelings I am talking about are completely mine, and my problem..not any one else's..Just that I read a lot of diaries, and things happen to other people that set off these feelings...

Jealousy.

I have been feeling Jealous a lot lately, and it worries me. I should not be feeling like this, but i'm worried it's getting worse..Mostly it is when things happen to other people that I want to happen to me..(Duh - guess that's a pretty good definition of Jealousy!! lol)

It all got worse on Friday, when I found out my friend M has got engaged..that has been on my mind a lot this weekend..wondering where I went wrong, and what I did wrong..I know it cannot be broken down into things like that - but hey - i'm an engineer - everything has a cause and a reason, and could be fixed (yeah - right..lol)

Recently I been feeling jealous of my ex, and her BF....especially when she moans about him going out with his buddies, and leaving her at home with all the kids, and how difficult this is for her.. a) I'm on my own..i'd have the girls..I love having them. b) He has her -- why does he have her and then leave her alone, and generally mistreat her? c) Why the fuck does she put up with his shit, and stay? I just cannot work that one out.

Seems she's rather be with a self-centered, mistreating twat than someone who loved her and gave her everything I could..and put up with her shit without shouting about it..

Then, as I said the other day, i got jealous of squirrelx just cos she threw her hubby out (yay! go girl) and then seems to have a line up of guys waiting in the wings..damn, wish I had a queue!

And then I found myself reading prncsaimee the other day..and I got the saem fellings of jealousy -- and that worries me. There is one of my best friends, who has had some really nice things done for her, and sound like she is happier than I have known her for a long time..yet I am feeling jealous..and i'm not sure why. Maybe I feel like I wish I had been able to think up something to make her feel that happy -- but then i'm a guy and well, we don't think of that stuff! I'm confused about this -- just cannot make sense of it.

All of this worries me -- I never thought I was a jealous type. But these feelings are here, and I know that putting things in here helps me..I just hope that nothing I have said here has upset anyone. Nobody has done anything to me on purpose (apart from maybe the ex..lol), and all my friends on here more than deserve what is happening to them, and I am happy for them....I just wish I was involved somehow..lol

Hope that made sense

Any insights are welcome!

till later

Jump